Thursday, 13 October 2011

A guide to myself


This post is about social skills.  We live in a society where “People persons” are put as the successful and lead examples, however people like me who are introvert just don’t have a place in society,  I found this article about The 10 myths of introvert people resonating so much with me that It was scary, kind of, so I’m not the only one with this problem? Or is it really a problem? I’m not shy, I don’t fear people, I’m even comfortable talking, singing or acting infront of a big crowd, I’m just different in my social interactions.

A few days ago I read that we should all have a “guide to themselves” which would be really, really nice and avoid lots of problems should everyone read it.  So I thought, ok I should write the 10 point of interacting with me that everyone should know.




1) On the internet nobody knows I’m an introvert.  – I tend to write long and articulated post on social media, and frequently doing blog entries, etc.  so people would assume that I like to talk a lot. And I do love to talk, but I just unable to keep small talk, it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, is just that I don’t know how to keep small talk chat by myself, but if it’s a topic that interest me I can stay talking, literally, hours about it.

2) I’m not very used to physical contact, and usually have a clumsy reaction when people approach physically to me, even if it’s just on a friendly non-romantic way.   Having say that, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like physical contact, or that I don’t enjoy it, I do, an very much, just that I wouldn’t do it unless I know you very well.

3) I would probably stay quiet on a group talking, I tend to think faster than my language skills, so find the dynamics of group chat exhausting, so I prefer to listen.  However I do enjoy very much small groups or one-to-one chats. I enjoy talking to people, but I enjoy it more when it’s just One person at a time.

4) I love to listen,  I really enjoy listening to other people’s thoughts, experiences, etc.  so even if at first glance it seems that I’m not interested in you, I probably am.

5) Don’t expect me to understand subtle messages.  It’s very hard for me to guess other people’s needs if they don’t speak them (or write them) aloud, most of the times the subtle messages will just fly over my head.  I can read your body language, your voice tone, even the written tone and know that you may be upset with me, but most of the time I will have no idea why and people would just assume that I should know why, well, no,  speak and be direct, I prefer people to be direct to the risk of being rude, than assume I can read minds. In the same way, I'm direct and I just mean what I say, nothing more, nothing less.
6) I’m not selfish, not on purpose, I do care about people, but sometimes I’m so immerse in my thoughts that I could loose from my sight your own needs, talk about them, see point above.

7) I can find social gatherings, like parties with lots of people exhausting, even if I’m having fun.  So, if I take some minutes to retreat and just being by myself, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to interact anymore with you, I’m just charging batteries.

8) I’m passionate and hold strong opinions about things, and probably will debate them strongly (never being rude or calling people names, or anything like that), but I don’t mean to offend you personally, for me debates are intellectual exercises, as fun as you probably would find playing a soccer match or other competition sport (I say probably because I don’t find them fun, but that’s another topic). But after the debate is over, it’s over, I don’t take it personally and usually move on.

9) I’m very bad at being polite and never fully understood that kind of social rules, so, often you could find that under your point of view I’m rude.  And probably I am, but not on purpose, if something I say offends you or you find it rude, tell me, I will take note and try not to make the same mistake again.

10) I’m not difficult, scary, or arrogant, even when most of the time that’s the impression I give to people, I do enjoy making new friends, I do enjoy and need sharing my thoughts and joys, and even my sad moments with people, I guess I just need patience, I have try, for 31 years to change and fix myself on this, unfortunately this just doesn’t seem to go away. So, perhaps people after reading this will avoid me like the plague, I just hope that it has the contrary effect in at least some of you.

    

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